"Nice Guys Finish Last"?
Or: Does being agreeable make your life harder or easier?
Not long ago I was presented this question: Does being agreeable make your life harder or easier? I am sharing my answer here, with slight modifications.
This question is related to a broader dilemma: Being a nice person can make life easier by, among others, reducing interpersonal conflicts, but it may also, in some contexts, bring the nice person into some negative life experiences such as being taken advantage of by “not so nice” people.
That’s the dilemma of “Nice guys finish last”.
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Specifically on agreeableness, as one of the Big Five personality traits it has been much researched.
From the research findings, it appears that agreeableness can support social relationships by moderating interpersonal conflicts or reducing conflicts to begin with; It also helps reduce physiological responses to stress, and it is related to better subjective well-being.
So, in this sense, it makes your life easier.
On the other hand, agreeableness, in certain contexts, and particularly when not backed by appropriate assertiveness or principles when needed, was also found by research to be linked to negative outcomes, such as being less competitive in competitive situations, wage disadvantages or even financial hardship.
Overall, however, contrary to the saying, “Nice guys finish last”, research mostly found that agreeableness may help make life “easier” on balance, as it is linked to higher-quality friendships, successful parenting, effective teamwork, better academic and career performance, and higher levels of health and subjective well-being/happiness.
Importantly, being agreeable should not be confused with being easily influenced, being submissive to unfair aggressions, or being exercised just as a socially desirable behavior, all of which could potentially subject the “agreeable” person to negative experiences or a “harder” life.
Navigating such intricacy and finding a healthy balance are part of building true happiness and well-being. This Substack welcomes more insights and further discussions on this, particularly those with research evidence and life experiences to share.
Boundaries should be a subject in school.
I had my fair share of bullies... even at this age!